Monday, September 23, 2013

Constant misgendering and clothing

When I first found out I had genderweirdness, I thought I was trans*. So I started dressing like a dude and wearing dude deodorant and all that. Then, after figuring out I'm genderqueer, I still went a really long time without wearing skirts or dresses or anything.

I've been wearing dresses and skirts a lot more lately.

At first I was doing it because I know Degon likes it and I enjoy doing things he likes. (Plus, if it gets me laid once in a while I'M NOT COMPLAINING.) For a long time it was still really uncomfortable but I would still do it once every couple months. NEVER outside the house, though.

More often, then finally outside the house. Then enjoying being Degon's "sexy wife" in public where people could see us. Reveling in the incitement of jealousy and the acknowledgement that this body I have is quite attractive.

And now I do it regularly. I'm wearing a dress right now, because it was easy to throw on and I like feeling good about how I look.

But the thing about going out in public, I think, had a lot to do with being uncomfortable being read as Not Genderweird. Even as I was getting more comfortable being around strangers in public, I wouldn't go around my skeptics wearing a skirt or a normal bra. In fact, I was pretty adamant about wearing my binder. I want those people to see me and not be confused about my gender weirdness by a typically feminine appearance.

I don't want to be read as cis. I hate being misgendered all the time. It makes me feel invisible.

You know, it's going to happen no matter what I do. Even after I've had a mastectomy, even if I wear tight shirts, I'll still be "ma'am"ed and "miss"ed.

So it kind of doesn't matter what I wear.

Most of my skeptic friends will already know that gender presentation ≠ gender identity. And any who don't know that will at least accept that I prefer neutral pronouns and not to be called "miss". They'll get it quickly.

And anyone who is outside my circles will still misgender me anyway. I don't take the time to educate people unless I think it will be worth my time, and for the most part I've determined that it's easier to weather the misgendering than attempt to explain myself.

So I'll just keep wearing what I like and feeling good about doing it, and handle my dysphoria as it comes.

2 comments:

  1. Just a suggestion... to each their own, obviously...

    Defining oneself by whatever convenient label comes along ( 'gay', 'straight', 'bi', or even 'genderqueer'), and using this as a basis of making decisions about how we should dress, or look, or feel about ourselves... might generally be a mistake.

    Be who you are... do what you love... wear what you like.

    Leave the labels to the haters.

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    Replies
    1. Hey, Steve, I actually wrote an entire post in response to this comment quite a while ago and forgot to link it to you. I moved my blog from here at Blogger to over on Wordpress, and you can find the post at this link: http://metaphoricalpenis.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/dear-steve-if-only-it-were-that-easy/

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